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| − | illusion of explanatory depth
| + | only one leaf leaped up and looped back to the ground |
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| − | == playlist ==
| + | ---- |
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| − | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHAhnJbGy9M&list=PLXOXrT2HL4bDthcbD5Ivs27A1iW7V7lp4
| + | Alma is forlorn that she doesn't get to talk to James to share with him the |
| | + | joy of the idea that you can talk to things in the world and then hear what |
| | + | they have to say if you listen really hard (''dramatic irony'') Alma met James while she was communing with the universe and sending love out to the trees and the ground and everything. And then this person is walking |
| | + | around and says Sycamore. |
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| − | [https://youtu.be/tHAhnJbGy9M On The Radio] - Regina Spektor
| + | and she's high on life and thinking, if only everyone knew! and then |
| | + | this person sort of knows and she wishes she could let him really know. I mean, |
| | + | really. really really know." and then they say the most amazing cool thing. and it's even a lesson |
| | + | to her. |
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| − | [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marquee_Moon Marquee Moon] - Television
| + | She's noisy, and they say listen. |
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| − | [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CePpTXIuQzY Pressure] - My Brightest Diamond
| + | Alma is very noisy and babbles to the world; James ''listens'' |
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| − | [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVk5So4cUDI Believe] - Franka Potente (Run Lola Run)
| + | (Raven gallery: Jim listens. The problem is he repeats what he hears.) |
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| − | [https://youtu.be/U1gaybkCgF0 Where Do I Begin] - The Chemical Brothers featuring Beth Orton
| + | ---- |
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| − | [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAEQuE-ygjA Pi R^2] - Clint Mansell
| + | "I know my tools. I know theirs. I can see decades in time. I just made |
| | + | it harder." She bursts in to tears because she knows how much she can't do |
| | + | right now. "What if they blame you? You're not the seed. I /am/. I don't |
| | + | fucking need you to push me anywhere. No one can fucking push me anywhere. I |
| | + | don't always know why I push back--it's taken me a long time to understand why |
| | + | I pushed back on them so much. fuck them. I love them, but fuck them anyway. |
| | + | They better fucking believe me. The better fucking beleive me when I say what I |
| | + | think is stronger than any fucking promise. The promise is an accident. it is a |
| | + | fucking coincidence! If I don't do what I tell them then I'm not me and I'm |
| | + | dead!" |
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| − | [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-O0vHJzoFc Ghost] - Neutral Milk Hotel[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Aeroplane_Over_the_Sea#Lyrics]
| + | ---- |
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| − | [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TudLjZ_4VhU Two Headed Boy] - Neutral Milk Hotel
| + | "We--They...No, me. I feel a calling that is part of my being to guard the world and all people in it. I feel a calling to witness the world and all people in it because if I don't see things as they are then I cannot understand them. Worse, I won't be able to understand consequences. Ultimately, I feel a calling to make those in authority /understand/ consequences. truly understand. Mistakes at this scale--Mistakes would be horrible. Horror. They would lead to Horror. All of this goes beyond any oath. If this calling ever changes then you should consider destroying whatever thing is walking around in this shell because it won't be me." She soften a moment, "Or, at least talk to them first, see if they are a person. and they don't have to be saints or anything. No one does." She looks at him, in all earnest. Perhaps even more earnest than Jim. |
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| − | [https://youtu.be/oHTFmJk7fH0 Green Grass of Tunnel] - Múm
| + | ---- |
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| − | [https://okgosandbox.org/this-too-shall-pass This Too Shall Pass]
| + | illusion of explanatory depth |
| − | | |
| − | == eusocial insects ==
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| − | | |
| − | Bernd Heinrich studied insects before he studied ravens [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernd_Heinrich]. I try not to have heros but he is one of my heros. I got pretty depressed because I had to leave New Caledonia but then I remembered him. And insects have social behavior too. And they would change in a city that changes. And he loves running too.
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| − | What does it mean to see ants who don't bite and then disappear. confidence intervals? looking for flavors. prime flavors? count the ones on friends. sweet? salt? food trail? "''soldiers and workers work together to create a living situation favorable for the brood''"[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eusociality]. Graphs that show up and then vanish?
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| − | Why do birds ant? "''The insects secrete liquids containing chemicals such as formic acid, which can act as an insecticide, miticide, fungicide, or bactericide. Alternatively, anting could make the insects edible by removing the distasteful acid, or, possibly supplement the bird's own preen oil.''" [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anting_(bird_activity)] Also, birds anting or bathing are adorable. Why do people find things adorable? APPLES WOA
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| − | what does it mean for something to be in your head and not real. what if not real is really real. After that conversation, I decided maybe it isn't that bad. Maybe I don't need to be so afraid of falling apart.
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| − | | |
| − | what decisions do you make when something might not be real? what if the ants aren't real but you don't know? make a place for them. let it be okay. don't crush them.
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| − | | |
| − | what does it mean for someone not to see what you see? maybe it means you are crazy. but maybe it means they see other things. where I see ants, what does someone else see?
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| − | | |
| − | == human cognition ==
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| − | | |
| − | she has an undergrad degree in psychology, focusing on cognitive and biopyschology. she became more narrowly focused in grad school on animal cognition and intelligence. Her insights in to human behavior are less grounded than insights in to behavioral ecology and, in particular, corvids. she does shallow lit searches in psychology about humans because it is interesting to her but imagine a well-educated person losing touch with this topic but coming back to it recently in the past six or so months due to being confronted with humanity again.
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| − | | |
| − | === language ===
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| − | in her notebooks: ''jargon? vocabulary? missing words. colonized language. colonized minds. anger and acceptance?'' with a new annotation followed some other day perhaps caused by some conversation: ''WTF ZACH fuck you magic blah blah blah you don't know'' followed by DOIs if she's being lazy and tired of scrawling, or by full titles with DOIs if she is not.
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| − | | |
| − | * [https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2016/02/the-battle-over-bilingualism/462114/ The Bitter Fight Over the Benefits of Bilingualism]: For decades, some psychologists have claimed that bilinguals have better mental control. Their work is now being called into question.
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| − | * [http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/crux/2012/05/30/does-speaking-in-a-second-language-make-you-think-more-or-feel-less/#more-1745 Does Speaking in a Second Language Make You Think More, or Feel Less?]
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| − | * [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28068125 Our Moral Choices Are Foreign to Us]
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| − | * [http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0094842 Your Morals Depend on Language]
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| − | | |
| − | === choice blindness ===
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| − | | |
| − | * She almost applied to the Choice Blindness group at Lund University but fell in love at almost first site when meeting people at the corvid cognition station and in particular, None, an experimental subject who lives in an aviary. but here are some papers from the choice blindness group. She shallowly follows their research
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| − | ** [http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0045457# Lifting the Veil of Morality: Choice Blindness and Attitude Reversals on a Self-Transforming Survey]
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| − | ** [https://twitter.com/ChoiceBlindness/status/577735423700635648/photo/1 @ChoiceBlindness] Our new paper in PNAS. We show how moral decisions can be biased by exploiting gaze patterns
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| − | | |
| − | == misreadings ==
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| − | | |
| − | Alma often reads meaning in to things that don't actually relate as a common mistake in her practice. She often carries books with her in her duffel bag or pockets. the books have bookmarks, paper inserts with notes, and underlining with annotations. (This makes her player cringe). She has confirmation bias when she finds snippets and meaning in things that fit with what she imagines to be better than the doctrine of her tradition.
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| − | | |
| − | but I'm sure sometimes she accidentally stumbles on a real truth, but who knows, really? I mean, really?
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| − | | |
| − | === William Stafford ===
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| − | | |
| − | Vocation<br />
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| − | William Stafford<br />
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| − | | |
| − | This dream the world is having about itself<br />
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| − | includes a trace on the plains of the Oregon trail,<br />
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| − | a groove in the grass my father showed us all<br />
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| − | one day while meadowlarks were trying to tell<br />
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| − | something better about to happen.<br />
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| − | | |
| − | I dreamed the trace to the mountains, over the hills,<br />
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| − | and there a girl who belonged wherever she was.<br />
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| − | But then my mother called us back to the car:<br />
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| − | she was afraid; she always blamed the place,<br />
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| − | the time, anything my father planned.<br />
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| − | | |
| − | Now both of my parents, the long line through the plain,<br />
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| − | the meadowlarks, the sky, the world's whole dream<br />
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| − | remain, and I hear him say while I stand between the two,<br />
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| − | helpless both of them part of me:<br />
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| − | "Your job is to find what the world is trying to be."<br />
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| − | | |
| − | This guy might be a wanker about women. whatev, dude. or parents. or kids.
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| − | something. but drop his whatever baggage, and he has some interesting things
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| − | he's working through. I don't think he was his true self when he wrote this.
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| − | | |
| − | === Dylan Thomas ===
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| − | | |
| − | The force that through the green fuse drives the flower<br />
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| − | Dylan Thomas<br />
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| − | | |
| − | The force that through the green fuse drives the flower<br />
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| − | Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees<br />
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| − | Is my destroyer.<br />
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| − | And I am dumb to tell the crooked rose<br />
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| − | My youth is bent by the same wintry fever.<br />
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| − | The force that drives the water through the rocks<br />
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| − | Drives my red blood; that dries the mouthing streams<br />
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| − | Turns mine to wax.<br />
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| − | And I am dumb to mouth unto my veins<br />
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| − | How at the mountain spring the same mouth sucks.<br />
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| − | The hand that whirls the water in the pool<br />
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| − | Stirs the quicksand; that ropes the blowing wind<br />
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| − | Hauls my shroud sail.<br />
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| − | And I am dumb to tell the hanging man<br />
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| − | How of my clay is made the hangman's lime.<br />
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| − | | |
| − | The lips of time leech to the fountain head;<br />
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| − | Love drips and gathers, but the fallen blood<br />
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| − | Shall calm her sores.<br />
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| − | And I am dumb to tell a weather's wind<br />
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| − | How time has ticked a heaven round the stars.<br />
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| − | | |
| − | And I am dumb to tell the lover's tomb<br />
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| − | How at my sheet goes the same crooked worm.<br />
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| − | | |
| − | | |
| − | === Robinson Jeffers ===
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| − | | |
| − | In pencil under his name: ''called an occidental? pantheist.''
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| − | | |
| − | Flight of Swans<br />
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| − | Robinson Jeffers<br />
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| − | | |
| − | One who sees giant Orion, the torches of winter midnight,<br />
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| − | Enormously walking above the ocean in the west of heaven;<br />
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| − | And watches the track of this <u>age of time</u> at its peak <u>of flight</u><br />
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| − | Waver like a spent rocket, wavering towards new discoveries,<br />
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| − | <u>Mortal examinations</u> of darkness, <u>soundings of depth</u>;<br />
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| − | And watches the long coast mountain <u>vibrate from bronze to green</u>,<br />
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| − | Bronze to green, year after year, and all the streams<br />
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| − | Dry and flooded, dry and flooded, in the racing seasons;<br />
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| − | And knows that <u>exactly this and not another is the world</u>,<br />
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| − | The ideal is phantoms for bait, the spirit is a flicker on a grave;--<br />
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| − | May <u>serve</u>, with a certain detachment, the fugitive human race,<br />
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| − | Or his own people, or <u>his own household</u>; but hardly himself;<br />
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| − | And will <u>not</u> wind himself into hopes nor sicken with despairs.<br />
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| − | He has found the peace and adored the God; he <u>handles in autumn<br />
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| − | The germs of far-future spring</u>.<br />
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| − | Sad sons of the stormy fall,<br />
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| − | No escape, you have to <u>inflict and endure</u>; surely it is time for you<br />
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| − | To learn to touch the <u>diamond</u> within to the diamond outside,<br />
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| − | Thinning your humanity a little between the invulnerable diamonds,<br />
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| − | Knowing that your angry choices and hopes and terrors are in vain,<br />
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| − | But life and death <u>not in vain</u>; and the world <u>is</u> like a flight of swans.<br />
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| − | <br />
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| − | <br />
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| − | * interspersed throughout this page are underlines and arrows to notes and comments, for examples
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| − | ** <u>Swans</u>, like what you really see in nature not what stories say
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| − | ** ''which age''? ''time'' ''parabola! not just circles. all the cycles and shapes and paths''? <u>'''WHY CIRCLES'''</u>
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| − | ** inflict and endure - does this mean no escape and no choice for death. is it <u>just</u>?
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| − | ** diamond sutra?
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| − | ** no escape from jhor? '''NO''' maybe we are saved with nature and swans and the living world
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| − | | |
| − | There are more notes but the player doesn't want to go on and on here. Imagine a kid who missed a well rounded humanities education cramming for a very final exam and not applying a sophisticated well-informed sensibility to things due to a lack of grounding.
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| − | | |
| − | === Rilke ===
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| − | | |
| − | Imagine a kid who reads the bible over and over and finds meaning retroactively, over and over throughout the years. layering meanings based on life experience. Take that flavor and then translate it to an adult who got gobsmacked by woo. Random shit is her bible. She comes back and forth to a poem over and over. adding notes when something happens that seems to apply. Sometimes she knows it's a mistake but can't help it.
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| − | Sonnets to Orpheus<br />
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| − | Rainer Maria Rilke from _Sonnets to Orpheus_ translated by M. D. Herter Norton
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| − | 12
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| − | <u>Will</u> transformation. O be enraptured with flame,<br />
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| − | wherein a thing eludes you that is boastful with changes;<br />
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| − | that projecting spirit, which masters the earthly,<br />
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| − | loves in the <u>swing of the figure</u> nothing so much as the point of <u>inflection</u>.<br />
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| − | <br />
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| − | What <u>shuts itself into remaining</u> already IS starkness;<br />
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| − | does it think itself safe in the shelter of <u>inconspicuous gray</u>?<br />
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| − | Beware, from afar <u>a hardest</u> comes warning <u>the hard</u>.<br />
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| − | Woe--,an absent hammer lifts!<br />
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| − | <br />
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| − | Who pours himself forth as a spring, him Cognizance knows;<br />
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| − | and she leads him enchanted through the realm of serene creation,<br />
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| − | that often <u>ends with beginning and with ending begins</u>.<br />
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| − | <br />
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| − | Every happy space they wander wondering through<br />
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| − | is child or grandchild of parting. And the transformed Daphne, since feeling<br />
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| − | laurel-like, wants you to change yourself into wind.<br />
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| − | 16
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| − | You, my friend, are lonely, because...<br />
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| − | WE, with words and <u>finger-pointings</u>,<br />
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| − | gradually <u>make the world our own</u>,<br />
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| − | perhaps its <u>weakest, most precarious part</u>.<br />
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| − | <br />
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| − | Who points with fingers to a smell? --<br />
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| − | Yet of the powers that threaten us<br />
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| − | you feel many .... You know the dead,<br />
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| − | and you <u>shrink away</u> from the magic spell.<br />
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| − | <br />
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| − | See, now we two together must bear<br />
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| − | piece-work and parts as though it were the whole.<br />
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| − | <u>Helping you will be hard</u>. Above all, do not<br />
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| − | <br />
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| − | plant me in your heart. I should grow too fast.<br />
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| − | But I will guide MY master's hand and say:<br />
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| − | here. This is Esau in his pelt.<br />
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| − | maybe these are warnings and but exhortations. maybe I'm supposed to see both at the same time. (refer to Icelandic spar. it diffracts words into multiple paths. does this mean I need to learn QM?) Does this mean I need to learn German?
| + | ---- |
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| − | am I shrinking away when I shouldn't?
| + | ''"The ecosystem itself is not just a landscape full of plant and animal species; it’s an intricate network of relationships, including those between predators and their prey, between flowering plants and their pollinators, between fruiting plants and the animals that disperse their seeds. Each such relationship constitutes a link between trophic levels."'' |
| − |
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| − | wtf does Esau even mean? deception or inheritance? which is it.
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| − | wtf these whatever poets. what kind was Rilke?
| + | Hardin's First Law of Human Ecology: "We can never do merely one thing. Any intrusion into nature has numerous effects, many of which are unpredictable." |
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| − | fuck, do I have to be lonely and keep people from planting me in their heart?
| + | "I have no doubt that in reality the future will be vastly more surprising than anything I can imagine. Now my own suspicion is that the Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we ''can'' suppose." J. B. S. Haldane |
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| − | do not mistake the finger pointing to the moon for the moon (from some dude somewhere in some koan?)
| + | [https://medium.com/@nayafia/an-alternate-ending-to-the-tragedy-of-the-commons-446b4e960887 An alternate ending to the tragedy of the commons]: "My big takeaway from the patterns Ostrom identified is that sustainably managing the commons requires a high degree of context among participants. Most failure outcomes can be traced back to context collapse." |
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| − | what does one do with the weakest parts? break them or strengthen them?
| + | [https://www.forbes.com/sites/grrlscientist/2018/07/19/meet-the-invasive-insect-that-is-changing-an-entire-forest-bird-community/#1f2acac3bfad Meet The Invasive Insect That Is Changing An Entire Forest Bird Community]: |
| | + | "With anything related to ecology, you don’t really understand the potentially far-reaching effects of taking pieces out of the system," Mr. Toenies explained. "The interactions between species and their environments is so complex that you can’t take something out, like an entire species, and fully understand the effects of it." |
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| − | omg it's coming true. This guy really was a prophet. Smell? that happened weeks after and I didn't even realize it until now.
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| | | | |
| − | == some reverse chronological things ==
| + | [https://abstrusegoose.com/589 Flight of the Good Idea] |
| − | * Alma contacts her mentor to to catch up and mention that, no shit, she met a Raven. Oh btw, What is the unmaking? Also, we will experiment with Time and Space. (nothing could possibly go wrong)
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| − | ** No word from None, but she learned from Jim that this thing is basically like Gozer. Hmm, ok. She can grasp that. From her point of view it's like the heat death of the universe.
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Alma is forlorn that she doesn't get to talk to James to share with him the
joy of the idea that you can talk to things in the world and then hear what
they have to say if you listen really hard (dramatic irony) Alma met James while she was communing with the universe and sending love out to the trees and the ground and everything. And then this person is walking
around and says Sycamore.
and she's high on life and thinking, if only everyone knew! and then
this person sort of knows and she wishes she could let him really know. I mean,
really. really really know." and then they say the most amazing cool thing. and it's even a lesson
to her.
(Raven gallery: Jim listens. The problem is he repeats what he hears.)
"I know my tools. I know theirs. I can see decades in time. I just made
it harder." She bursts in to tears because she knows how much she can't do
right now. "What if they blame you? You're not the seed. I /am/. I don't
fucking need you to push me anywhere. No one can fucking push me anywhere. I
don't always know why I push back--it's taken me a long time to understand why
I pushed back on them so much. fuck them. I love them, but fuck them anyway.
They better fucking believe me. The better fucking beleive me when I say what I
think is stronger than any fucking promise. The promise is an accident. it is a
fucking coincidence! If I don't do what I tell them then I'm not me and I'm
dead!"
"We--They...No, me. I feel a calling that is part of my being to guard the world and all people in it. I feel a calling to witness the world and all people in it because if I don't see things as they are then I cannot understand them. Worse, I won't be able to understand consequences. Ultimately, I feel a calling to make those in authority /understand/ consequences. truly understand. Mistakes at this scale--Mistakes would be horrible. Horror. They would lead to Horror. All of this goes beyond any oath. If this calling ever changes then you should consider destroying whatever thing is walking around in this shell because it won't be me." She soften a moment, "Or, at least talk to them first, see if they are a person. and they don't have to be saints or anything. No one does." She looks at him, in all earnest. Perhaps even more earnest than Jim.
Hardin's First Law of Human Ecology: "We can never do merely one thing. Any intrusion into nature has numerous effects, many of which are unpredictable."
"I have no doubt that in reality the future will be vastly more surprising than anything I can imagine. Now my own suspicion is that the Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose." J. B. S. Haldane
