Difference between revisions of "Alma/Personal Logs"

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illusion of explanatory depth
 
illusion of explanatory depth
 
== playlist ==
 
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHAhnJbGy9M&list=PLXOXrT2HL4bDthcbD5Ivs27A1iW7V7lp4
 
 
{|class="wikitable"
 
|[https://youtu.be/tHAhnJbGy9M On The Radio] - Regina Spektor
 
|This is how it works<br />
 
You're young until you're not<br />
 
You love until you don't<br />
 
You try until you can't<br />
 
You laugh until you cry<br />
 
You cry until you laugh<br />
 
And everyone must breathe<br />
 
Until their dying breath<br />
 
<br />
 
No, ''this'' is how it works<br />
 
You peer inside yourself<br />
 
You take the things you like<br />
 
And try to love the things you took<br />
 
And then you take that love you made<br />
 
And stick it into some<br />
 
Someone else's heart<br />
 
Pumping someone else's blood<br />
 
And walking arm in arm<br />
 
You hope it don't get harmed<br />
 
But even if it does<br />
 
You'll just do it all again<br />
 
|-
 
|[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marquee_Moon Marquee Moon] - Television
 
|I spoke to a man<br />Down at the tracks<br />And I ask him<br />How he don't go mad<br />He said 'Look here junior, don't you be so happy<br />And for Heaven's sake, don't you be so sad'<br />
 
|-
 
|[https://okgosandbox.org/more Upside Down & Inside Out] - Ok Go
 
|So when you met the new you<br />Were you scared?<br />Were you cold?<br />Were you kind?<br />Yeah when you met the new you<br />Did someone die inside?<br />
 
|-
 
|[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CePpTXIuQzY Pressure] - My Brightest Diamond
 
|I feel the weight of a billion years<br />(but) I try to do it alright<br />Working hard, little delight<br />I forgot the sound<br /><br />(So bright/heavy/wild cannot mine/tame/name)<br />...I try to do it alright<br />
 
|-
 
|[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVk5So4cUDI Believe] - Franka Potente (Run Lola Run)
 
|...
 
I don't believe in silence<br />
 
I don't believe in panic<br />
 
I don't believe in fear<br />
 
I don't believe in prophecies<br />
 
I don't believe reality would be<br />
 
the way it should<br />
 
|-
 
|[https://youtu.be/U1gaybkCgF0 Where Do I Begin] - The Chemical Brothers featuring Beth Orton
 
|Where do I start<br />Where do I begin<br /><br />Where do I start<br />Where do I begin<br />
 
|-
 
|[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAEQuE-ygjA Pi R^2] - Clint Mansell
 
|
 
|-
 
|[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-O0vHJzoFc Ghost] - Neutral Milk Hotel[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Aeroplane_Over_the_Sea#Lyrics]
 
|Ghost, ghost I know you live within me<br />I feel you as you fly<br />In thunder clouds above the city<br />Into one that I love<br />
 
 
With all that was left within me<br />Until we tore in two<br />Now wings and rings and there's so many<br />Waiting here for you<br />
 
|-
 
|[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TudLjZ_4VhU Two Headed Boy] - Neutral Milk Hotel
 
|I can hear as you tap on your jar<br />I am listening to hear where you are<br />I am listening to hear where you are<br />...
 
 
And I will take you and leave you alone<br />
 
Watching spirals of white softly flow<br />
 
Over your eyelids and all you did<br />
 
Will wait until the point when you let go<br />
 
|-
 
|[https://youtu.be/oHTFmJk7fH0 Green Grass of Tunnel] - Múm
 
|Down from my ceiling<br />Drips great noise.<br />...
 
 
And when I'm swimming in<br />
 
through a tunnel<br />
 
I shut my eyes.<br />
 
|-
 
|[https://okgosandbox.org/this-too-shall-pass This Too Shall Pass] - Ok Go
 
|-
 
|[https://youtu.be/k2bfCd99Gf8 Trip Like I Do] - The Crystal Method
 
|Another world<br />
 
another time<br />
 
In the age of wonder<br />
 
Another world<br />
 
another time<br />
 
This land was green and good<br />
 
Until the crystal cracked<br />
 
...
 
 
Uh, I want you to trip like me, I want you to have fun<br />
 
Me and you<br />
 
Oh my God this is the best<br />
 
Uh, I want you to trip like I do<br />
 
<br />
 
Oh my God<br />
 
<br />
 
Oh my God this is the best<br />
 
Oh my God this is the best<br />
 
I want you to trip like I do<br />
 
<br />
 
Oh my God<br />
 
<br />
 
I want you to trip like I do<br />
 
I want you to trip like I do<br />
 
I want you to trip like I do<br />
 
|-
 
| [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTeZcHWHeW4 We're All in This Together] - Ben Lee
 
|woke up this morning<br />
 
i suddenly realized<br />
 
were all in this together<br />
 
i started smiling<br />
 
cos you were smiling<br />
 
and were all in this together<br />
 
im made of atoms<br />
 
youre made of atoms<br />
 
and were all in this together<br />
 
and long division<br />
 
just doesnt matter<br />
 
cos were all in this together<br />
 
<br />
 
'''i saw you walking'''<br />
 
'''in the city'''<br />
 
'''were all in this together'''<br />
 
'''the city's changing'''<br />
 
'''cos we are changing'''<br />
 
'''and were all in this together'''<br />
 
'''every twelve seconds'''<br />
 
'''someone remembers'''<br />
 
'''that were all in this together'''<br />
 
in the kitchen<br />
 
of your rent-control apartment<br />
 
were all in this together<br />
 
<br />
 
cmon baby<br />
 
i dont mean to rush you<br />
 
i only wanted to reach out and touch you<br />
 
ive gotta start to open my heart<br />
 
<br />
 
i know you think<br />
 
about jumping ship before it sinks<br />
 
but were all in this together<br />
 
ask a scientist<br />
 
its quantum physics<br />
 
were all in this together<br />
 
and on the subway<br />
 
we feel like strangers<br />
 
but were all in this together<br />
 
yeah i love you and you love her<br />
 
and she loves him<br />
 
but were all in this together<br />
 
<br />
 
yknow baby<br />
 
theres never been protection<br />
 
in all the history of human connection<br />
 
cmon darling<br />
 
its alright to show me<br />
 
you dont ever need to be lonely<br />
 
once you start to open your heart<br />
 
<br />
 
i saw you crying<br />
 
i started crying<br />
 
cos were all in this together<br />
 
<br />
 
and then religion<br />
 
its a big decision<br />
 
but were all in this together<br />
 
<br />
 
were all in this together
 
|}
 
  
 
== eusocial insects ==
 
== eusocial insects ==

Revision as of 20:21, 3 June 2018

illusion of explanatory depth

eusocial insects

Bernd Heinrich studied insects before he studied ravens [1]. I try not to have heros but he is one of my heros. I got pretty depressed because I had to leave New Caledonia but then I remembered him. And insects have social behavior too. And they would change in a city that changes. And he loves running too.

What does it mean to see ants who don't bite and then disappear. confidence intervals? looking for flavors. prime flavors? count the ones on friends. sweet? salt? food trail? "soldiers and workers work together to create a living situation favorable for the brood"[2]. Graphs that show up and then vanish?

Why do birds ant? "The insects secrete liquids containing chemicals such as formic acid, which can act as an insecticide, miticide, fungicide, or bactericide. Alternatively, anting could make the insects edible by removing the distasteful acid, or, possibly supplement the bird's own preen oil." [3] Also, birds anting or bathing are adorable. Why do people find things adorable? APPLES WOA

what does it mean for something to be in your head and not real. what if not real is really real. After that conversation, I decided maybe it isn't that bad. Maybe I don't need to be so afraid of falling apart.

what decisions do you make when something might not be real? what if the ants aren't real but you don't know? make a place for them. let it be okay. don't crush them.

what does it mean for someone not to see what you see? maybe it means you are crazy. but maybe it means they see other things. where I see ants, what does someone else see?

human cognition

she has an undergrad degree in psychology, focusing on cognitive and biopyschology. she became more narrowly focused in grad school on animal cognition and intelligence. Her insights in to human behavior are less grounded than insights in to behavioral ecology and, in particular, corvids. she does shallow lit searches in psychology about humans because it is interesting to her but imagine a well-educated person losing touch with this topic but coming back to it recently in the past six or so months due to being confronted with humanity again.

language

in her notebooks: jargon? vocabulary? missing words. colonized language. colonized minds. anger and acceptance? with a new annotation followed some other day perhaps caused by some conversation: WTF ZACH fuck you magic blah blah blah you don't know followed by DOIs if she's being lazy and tired of scrawling, or by full titles with DOIs if she is not.

choice blindness

misreadings

Alma often reads meaning in to things that don't actually relate as a common mistake in her practice. She often carries books with her in her duffel bag or pockets. the books have bookmarks, paper inserts with notes, and underlining with annotations. (This makes her player cringe). She has confirmation bias when she finds snippets and meaning in things that fit with what she imagines to be better than the doctrine of her tradition.

but I'm sure sometimes she accidentally stumbles on a real truth, but who knows, really? I mean, really?

William Stafford

Vocation
William Stafford

This dream the world is having about itself
includes a trace on the plains of the Oregon trail,
a groove in the grass my father showed us all
one day while meadowlarks were trying to tell
something better about to happen.

I dreamed the trace to the mountains, over the hills,
and there a girl who belonged wherever she was.
But then my mother called us back to the car:
she was afraid; she always blamed the place,
the time, anything my father planned.

Now both of my parents, the long line through the plain,
the meadowlarks, the sky, the world's whole dream
remain, and I hear him say while I stand between the two,
helpless both of them part of me:
"Your job is to find what the world is trying to be."

This guy might be a wanker about women. whatev, dude. or parents. or kids. something. but drop his whatever baggage, and he has some interesting things he's working through. I don't think he was his true self when he wrote this.

Dylan Thomas

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Dylan Thomas

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees
Is my destroyer.
And I am dumb to tell the crooked rose
My youth is bent by the same wintry fever.

The force that drives the water through the rocks
Drives my red blood; that dries the mouthing streams
Turns mine to wax.
And I am dumb to mouth unto my veins
How at the mountain spring the same mouth sucks.

The hand that whirls the water in the pool
Stirs the quicksand; that ropes the blowing wind
Hauls my shroud sail.
And I am dumb to tell the hanging man
How of my clay is made the hangman's lime.

The lips of time leech to the fountain head;
Love drips and gathers, but the fallen blood
Shall calm her sores.
And I am dumb to tell a weather's wind
How time has ticked a heaven round the stars.

And I am dumb to tell the lover's tomb
How at my sheet goes the same crooked worm.


Robinson Jeffers

In pencil under his name: called an occidental? pantheist.

Flight of Swans
Robinson Jeffers

One who sees giant Orion, the torches of winter midnight,
Enormously walking above the ocean in the west of heaven;
And watches the track of this age of time at its peak of flight
Waver like a spent rocket, wavering towards new discoveries,
Mortal examinations of darkness, soundings of depth;
And watches the long coast mountain vibrate from bronze to green,
Bronze to green, year after year, and all the streams
Dry and flooded, dry and flooded, in the racing seasons;
And knows that exactly this and not another is the world,
The ideal is phantoms for bait, the spirit is a flicker on a grave;--
May serve, with a certain detachment, the fugitive human race,
Or his own people, or his own household; but hardly himself;
And will not wind himself into hopes nor sicken with despairs.
He has found the peace and adored the God; he handles in autumn
The germs of far-future spring
.
                                                            Sad sons of the stormy fall,
No escape, you have to inflict and endure; surely it is time for you
To learn to touch the diamond within to the diamond outside,
Thinning your humanity a little between the invulnerable diamonds,
Knowing that your angry choices and hopes and terrors are in vain,
But life and death not in vain; and the world is like a flight of swans.


  • interspersed throughout this page are underlines and arrows to notes and comments, for examples
    • Swans, like what you really see in nature not what stories say
    • which age? time parabola! not just circles. all the cycles and shapes and paths? WHY CIRCLES
    • inflict and endure - does this mean no escape and no choice for death. is it just?
    • diamond sutra?
    • no escape from jhor? NO maybe we are saved with nature and swans and the living world

There are more notes but the player doesn't want to go on and on here. Imagine a kid who missed a well rounded humanities education cramming for a very final exam and not applying a sophisticated well-informed sensibility to things due to a lack of grounding.

Rilke

Imagine a kid who reads the bible over and over and finds meaning retroactively, over and over throughout the years. layering meanings based on life experience. Take that flavor and then translate it to an adult who got gobsmacked by woo. Random shit is her bible. She comes back and forth to a poem over and over. adding notes when something happens that seems to apply. Sometimes she knows it's a mistake but can't help it.

Sonnets to Orpheus
Rainer Maria Rilke from _Sonnets to Orpheus_ translated by M. D. Herter Norton

12

Will transformation. O be enraptured with flame,
wherein a thing eludes you that is boastful with changes;
that projecting spirit, which masters the earthly,
loves in the swing of the figure nothing so much as the point of inflection.

What shuts itself into remaining already IS starkness;
does it think itself safe in the shelter of inconspicuous gray?
Beware, from afar a hardest comes warning the hard.
Woe--,an absent hammer lifts!

Who pours himself forth as a spring, him Cognizance knows;
and she leads him enchanted through the realm of serene creation,
that often ends with beginning and with ending begins.

Every happy space they wander wondering through
is child or grandchild of parting. And the transformed Daphne, since feeling
laurel-like, wants you to change yourself into wind.


16

You, my friend, are lonely, because...
WE, with words and finger-pointings,
gradually make the world our own,
perhaps its weakest, most precarious part.

Who points with fingers to a smell? --
Yet of the powers that threaten us
you feel many .... You know the dead,
and you shrink away from the magic spell.

See, now we two together must bear
piece-work and parts as though it were the whole.
Helping you will be hard. Above all, do not

plant me in your heart. I should grow too fast.
But I will guide MY master's hand and say:
here. This is Esau in his pelt.

maybe these are warnings and but exhortations. maybe I'm supposed to see both at the same time. (refer to Icelandic spar. it diffracts words into multiple paths. does this mean I need to learn QM?) Does this mean I need to learn German?

am I shrinking away when I shouldn't?

wtf does Esau even mean? deception or inheritance? which is it.

wtf these whatever poets. what kind was Rilke?

fuck, do I have to be lonely and keep people from planting me in their heart?

do not mistake the finger pointing to the moon for the moon (from some dude somewhere in some koan?)

what does one do with the weakest parts? break them or strengthen them?

omg it's coming true. This guy really was a prophet. Smell? that happened weeks after and I didn't even realize it until now.

some reverse chronological things

  • Alma contacts her mentor to to catch up and mention that, no shit, she met a Raven. Oh btw, What is the unmaking? Also, we will experiment with Time and Space. (nothing could possibly go wrong)
    • No word from None, but she learned from Jim that this thing is basically like Gozer. Hmm, ok. She can grasp that. From her point of view it's like the heat death of the universe.